Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You need a sexual gate keeper
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
