If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
