My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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