Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
