i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
