So drunk its hurt
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
