So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
