I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
