Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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