oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm passing your future prison.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
