If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
