Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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