i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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