I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
