hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Even my vagina gasped.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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