This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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