I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
