He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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