I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
COCAINE IS GR8
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
