Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
