You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
