sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
being pregnant is like rehab
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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