before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
