Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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