people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
