the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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