Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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