So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
