It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
