Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
