I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
