he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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