My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
