I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so let's talk penis.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
