my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
