I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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