I'm going to jail i love you
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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