Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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