saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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