u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
