Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
