How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
