Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We have so much sex to catch up on
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
