we have pet lesbian snakes
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
