He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
COCAINE IS GR8
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