I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
