my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
