Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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