I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
