The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
