So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
