Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
