It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
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I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
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Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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