he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You were trust falling into bushes
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
