so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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