we're chasing vodka with high fives
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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