eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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