do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
