On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
