real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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