I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
