I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
