I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
God I need to hump something, right now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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