Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
