we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
