Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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